我可以进入你的秘密花园么

一名全职爸爸辛苦多年，终于可以趁妻儿不在家享受Me Time。他与昔日的死党重逢，过了一个疯狂周末，却差点令自己的人生天翻地覆。

At the age of eight, the now 25-year-old director caused an incident, which has remained traumatic as he became older. Although it seemed just a trivial matter, something one might expect from children, he obstinately questions his family, friends and teachers about what happened at that time. Worrying over the thoughts of dishonor he saw in his family’s eyes then, he has fostered a self-hatred over the years. As if reconstructing the past with his camera, he attempts to free himself of this self-hatred, shedding tears for himself at times and opening his own wounds, then healing them. What he has discovered through filmmaking was his once sealed “self.” The question now is, where to go from here?

小鱼（徐静蕾 饰）一直跟妈妈生活在一起，直到高中时母亲意外去世，她才第一次见到自己的父亲老于（叶大鹰 饰）并和他生活在一起。老于是个典型的北京油子，经常夜不归宿，小鱼十分没有安全感，但倔强的她照顾自己的生活，也不张嘴跟父亲抱怨。小鱼长大了，谈恋爱了，和男朋友结婚了，带回家吃饭。饭桌上老于毫不留情面地看不上小鱼丈夫，小鱼爆发了，把多年来对父亲不关心自己的积怨和伤痛骂了出来。老于让小鱼离婚后直接回家，不要留恋。小鱼忍无可忍，拉起丈夫就走了。一年后，抱着小小鱼的小鱼回来了。为了不让女儿这么辛苦，老于去打麻将想给女儿挣点钱，但世道和以前不一样了，已经不是当年老于叱咤风云的时代了，这天老于打麻将时被喊抓赌的人吓着，成痴呆了。小鱼把父亲接回家，像小时候那样照顾他。女儿和爸爸的爱，是血浓于水，恩恩怨怨也不能磨灭的。

Lu Pan and Yu Araki share home video-footage of their 90s childhoods in all their funny, celebratory, awkward and banal glory. Edited together remotely during the pandemic, the two artists discuss early home video technology, the social status of this footage in different contexts (both migrated as children), and also how these images were made and circulated. Their playful yet insightful conversation stitches the chaotic footage together and gives new life to a nostalgic form of cinema.